A Letter for ALLAH

Dear ALLAH,

Even though I know that I dont have to wrote this letter to you.. But still, I'll wrote it & share with other.. All this 28th years I've been in great life.. All the success, enjoyment, tears, sadness...Thank 2 you 'coz I still experience it till now.. Means, my heart is still alive.. Means, Im still can try to do better to fill in your world.. So, thanks to you ALLAH..

But, not bcoz I want 2 complaint, I juz want 2 talk.. Up there, I know you can see wat ive done, even hear everything I've say.. ALLAH, I think my life is too hard, I'm trying to fight, trying to survive, trying hard to be filial servant to you.. Hardly say, Im trying to stay happy n feel grateful to you.. But as a human, woman.. I think its still too hard.. With all your power, PLEASE ALLAH, give me some strength to fight.. Dont let tears conquer my eye.. Dont let LONELY fill in my heart.. 

Dear ALLAH, y I feel this sucks?? Y I feel like everything is too tough??? Y he must be sum1 man??? Y I must fall in love with him??? All this past years I've fight to get rid of him... But Y I always failed??? Deep down inside I dont want to share him with any woman... But what can I do when he's already sum1 man on d 1st day I meet him??? 6 years is too long to think, to change, to fight... But still, till now Im still doing all those thing even though I keep complain being tired coz of it... Still dont know Y I do all those kind of thing for him...

Dear ALLAH, Ill be more grateful if Ive meet sum1 better than him... If Ive meet sum1 more caring than him... If Ive meet sum1 who will fill my LONELY heart for all this years... To tell you that Im tired enuff wit all the fight, with all the jealousy, with all the separation... Honestly, Im just greedily want to have him juz for myself... But it will be unfair for his family... PLEASE ALLAH, dont turn me into bad person... Dont make me hurt his wife & kids feeling... Just take me away far from him.. So nobody will get hurt bcoz of us... So nobody will hate him bcoz of our love...

ALLAH, for all this years Im feel grateful, bcoz of our fate Ive meet LOVE, I know the meaning of JEALOUS, I cry bcoz of HURT.. & Ive learn to be more MATURED & to look FAR.. Thanks to you ALLAH.. But, please STOP this fate now, please STOP this LOVE now, please STOP all the tears now, please STOP me now.. Even though I know Ill be more SAD without him but Ill make the SACRIFICE.. Ill back off if you agree, with your permission.. Ill  back off & learn how to stop miss n think only bout him.. Ill promise that Ill change my world, Ill create another story bout myself without him, Ill fill all the lonely by myself, Ill learn to smile n laugh sincerely.. As long as you give me all the strength I need, n as long as you change all the feeling Ive for him inside my heart n my head..

ALLAH, for losing all of my friend, Im not blaming you.. & if Ill lose him.. Ill also not blaming you.. Ill juz accept it as my fate.. Accept it as our relationship, our love will stop there.. So, Ill not blaming you.. Ill also try my best to find my happiness, to smile everyday, to meet all wonderful people Ill meet everyday, to be good daughter for both of my parents, to be good sister to all my sibling & to be better person in front of others eye... Juz let me have all the strength, juz let me have all the spirit to fight, juz help my heart to be brave enuff to forget n forgive...Other words, please help me ALLAH.....

P/s: Please pray for me..Im dying slowly inside..Please wit all your consent for me...PLEASE!PLEASE!PLEASE! Pray for me...

Sunyi....

This time aku menaip dr Galaxy Tab aku... Baru jerk setel tonton drama Korea 'Goong@princess hour"... Tp baek jerk tutup pc alih2 aku teraser... Naper rmh nie mcm sunyi sgt jerk?? "Owh~~ ptt pown la sunyi... aku duk sorunk rupernyer..."

Agak2 korunk... Ader ke orunk yg lebey sunyi dr aku?? Kadang2 'TER'detik kat ati... Aper yg aku wat jahat sgt smp Tuhan nak hukum aku camnie?? Betul ke Dia dgr, lihat & raser aper yg jadik kt aku skunk nie?? Bertahun aku doa supaya dier bg aku partner yg baek... Yg baek dgn aku, family aku, n yg ble bahagiakan aku dunia n akhirat... TAPI~~~

At 1st aku ingatkan Ichigo la orunknyer... TAPI~~~ Makin lamer aku tgk dier makin sejuk... Makin benci... Aku benci dgn semua layanan dier, kater2 dier, senyuman dier... Aku jd bnci kat semuanyer ttg dier... TAPI~~~

Agaknyer slh saper la semua perasaan tue timbul yer?? Sedangkan biler aku ssh... Ichigo la orunk pertama yg aku call, Ichigo la orunk pertama yg terlintas dlm kepala otak aku nie.. Dan tanpa byk alasan Ichigo akan dtg tiap kali aku bermasalah... Tapi naper jd makin benci?? Makin sejuk??

Hey Dila!!! Salah ko sendirik sbb xreti nk berkwn.. Salah ko sbb perangai ko jaat sgt... Slh ko sbb xlayan kwn2 ko dgn baek.. Slh ko sndr biler kwn2 ko raser yg ko xble d wt kwn... Hurm~~~ Slh aku gaks sbb selalu pk -ve.. Kalo la aku part of Korean heroin yg dpt lelaki yg betul2 syg n sanggup wt paper jerk demi dia.. Yg ader bersepah kwn2 yg setia, yg rapat, yg baek... KALAU LA~~~

Tapi tue xmungkin... Aku aderlah aku... Ini realiti... Bkn citer dongeng kanak2... Aku pown dah 28... Xkan bz nak berfantasi lagik kowt... Tp xper la... Utk arinie... I'LL TRY MY HARD TO BE BETTER N BETTER N BETTER... Try harder not to feel lonely n empty inside anymore.. I'll try hard... Dats my promise to myself today...

P/s: As time pass by, aku muler realize... Bestnyer zaman kanak2 dulu... Duk dgn mak ayah... Even xder kwn2 pown xper sbb ader mak ayah... Mak ayah jadik kwn since aku kecik... Kalau lah ble undur maser... Mesti aku xkan ikut Ichigo keje sini... Aku akan stay kat Melaka terus... Mak Ayah... Angah rindu mak ayah... :'(

Budak2

Ader satu ari tue.. Aku jumper ler sorunk hamba Allah yg aku kenal nie... Ader 2 orunk anak dah.. Umor anak sulung dlm 2thn camtue ah... Yg 2nd baby lagik... Tp terbaring lepas bebas.. Xkesah pape... So aku tgk ler yg si sulung nie maen2 dgn geng2 sebaya dier... Tgh shiok maen2... Tiber2... UWAAAAAA~~~~... Aper lagik, berlari r mak dier g tgk naper anak dier nangis... Rupa2nyer nangis sbb xbg orunk amik mainan dier... Dh duk lepak 1ari baru pasan... Giler babi kedekut anak dier nie rupernyer... Mainan xmo share... Maen dgn orunk nak... Tp share mainan xnak... Dah la xnak share... Pastue mainan orunk pown dier nak gak...

Tapi~~, biler aku peratikan lagik... Salah mak dier gaks... Biler anak nangis orunk amik mainan dier... Cpt2 mak dier g bdk tue, pastue kater... "Eh!!! Bg blk... Xnak amik... Nie baby punyer..." Ek eleh... Aper la slh mrhkan anak sendirik sbb xnak share??? Lagik mau ikutkan sgt kedekut anak dier... Di sebabkan ketidakpuasan ati aku + xder pengalaman ader anak punyer psl... Aku wat ler luahan ati kat Ichigo...

Ichigo kater... Beser la tue... Kalo kt nak tau camner perangai mak bapak bdk tue... Tgk kat anak dier... Pastue aku tanyer lagik... Abis tue C Baby tue kedekut sbb mak bapak dier kedekut r??? Ichigo xkater aper... Senyum jerk... Aku + lagik... Kalo anak aku r wat perangai kedekut mcm tue... Aku ketuk2 dier... Lagik2 biler aku tgk dier ngengada nak maen dgn orunk tp kejap2 nangis sbb rebutkan mainan... Mmg kat situ gak aku ketuk anak aku... Agak2 syg nak ketuk... Aku tarik jerk duk dekat dgn aku... Jgn campur dgn orunk... Aku serabut sey bdk camtue...

Xkire lagik peel bdk yg byk sgt ckp... Kejap2 tanyer... Tanyer plak soalan yg... Alahai~~~.. Korunk tau r bdk2 kan... So, biler jumper bdk2 yg camtue... Aku akan lyn kejap jerk... Pastue aku angkat kaki... Aper lagik... blah r!!! Selalu dlm ati TERkeluar gak... "Sib baek anak buah aku xmcm tue..." Mmg aku serabut akal fikiran dgn bdk2 camtue... Raser nak sepak bg senyap pown ader gak... Sbb tue aku rasi dgn baby jerk... Bdk2??? Mmg aku out... Nnt bdk2 nmpk muker menyampah + serabut aku kuar... Mmg xder sorok2 punyer dah...

Fyi, orunk2 keliling aku selalu bg ayat samer tiap x aku komplen psl anak2 diorunk... "Ko dah ader anak nnt, aku nak tgk anak ko camner.." Xpown diorunk akan kater... "Kt tgk r anak ko camner nnt.." Aku tau dlm ati diorunk doa anak aku perangai xbaek, menyampah mcm anak diorunk gaks... Aper ko pk aku bodow ker nak ajar anak aku jadik mcm korunk??? Tolong lah... Kawin pown aku x lagik... Lagik ader ati mau doa psl anak aku yg belum tentu ujud ke x... Dasar manusia busuk ati... Huh!!! Xder aku heran der~~...

P/s: Klo takdir aku kahwin n ader anak nnt... Dlm process bdk tue membesar... Aku akan bg responsibility kat bapak dier utk ajar anak... Aku xnak anak aku besar dgn xder respek kat aku mcm yg dah byk aku tgk... Kecik2 lagik dah lawan ckp mak... Tp biler bapak ckp sekali jerk terus senyap... Aku nak anak aku dgr ckp aku, xpyh ckp byk2 x.. So, bakal suami... Prepare yerk... :-))